For Balinese, a marriage proposal can be a delicate matter that need to be handled carefully and of course can not be the business of the happy couple alone, it is a family business and sometimes escalate further involving not just relatives but also the members of the clan.

When a Balinese man wants to propose a Balinese girl, he not just announces his intention to the girl but also to her family. He has to come before the girl’s family and announces his intention. The girl’s family will require the suitor to hold an official proposing ritual that is usually called “ngidih” (requesting or proposing). The suitor usually will request a time to discuss the best day for “ngidih” with his family. After discussing with his family, the suitor will proposed a propitious day for the “ngidih” to be commenced, the girl’s family review this date and when the agreement is reached, both of the families will make a preparation for the “ngidih”.

“Ngidih” is not just a simple conference between two families. it is a show of force, wit, eloquence and determination. Both families choose their most eloquence and experienced members to be the spokesmen. On the D-day the suitor will come to the girl house with his family and relatives, the number of this delegation can be more than one hundreds. The size of the delegation is a show of force, it shows that the suitor is not “alone” in this world, he has family, relatives and clan members to support him, the more the better. The girl’s family also eager to show that girl is also not “alone”; the relatives and the clan members of the girl will gather to welcome the suitor’s delegation.

When the suitor and his delegation arrive at the girl house they will be welcomed and offered refreshment. The spokesmen and senior members of both families will hold a conference to discuss the marriage proposal. The discussion usually turns into a battle of wit, eloquence and determination and can last for 3-4 hours. If the girl’s family does not like the visitor, they can show their dislike in this discussion. In old days, the proposal can be tuned down just by a single mistake of diction on the suitor part.

When the discussion reaches an agreement, the next thing to be discuss is the propitious day for the wedding ceremony.

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