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The Run Down on Agung Rai’s Wedding Marathon

Published 2 years, 1 month ago in Miscellaneous by Marilyn Carson | 664 Views

April 1, 2006

Here’s the run down on Agung Rai’s wedding marathon.

The invitation showed up days in advance…way earlier than the prescribed three days. Agung Rai and his father delivered it resplendent in Balinese costumes. The invitation was very simple and all pink and white with hearts…very valentine’s dayish. The bride is marrying ‘up’. She is Sudra (lowest caste, as I am) and of course the groom is an Agung, from the royal caste and second highest of the four castes, so she will be called jero after marriage. Her family lives in Karangasem, not very far from Tirta Ganga, the gorgeous water palace we visited, so it’s one heck of a distance away from Selat in Payangan.

Normally the bride is brought to the groom’s house before the religious ceremony, but because of the distance between the two homes and the extra costs of transportation, the families negotiated to bring her early and change much of the routine. Thank heavens for that! Two trips to Karangasem would be more than I could handle.

Agung Rai did toothfiling the early morning of the wedding day along with another I am not sure if the young wife has completed her toothfiling ceremony. Although the prescribed time for toothfiling is in young adolescence, because of the cost of the ceremony it is often put off until the families can afford it. We (Agung Rai and his wife Jero Putu, their two year old Gung Gek and I) arrived after toothfiling even though we got there by 9:30 a.m. Naturally it was raining and the compound was full of water and mud. Bride and groom were fully outfitted in their wedding clothes and both looked slightly uncomfortable and of course exhausted. Poor Agung Rai was so very hot in his wedding costume while I was chilly and wrapped in a shawl. Everyone was hustling about still preparing offerings, cooking, serving cakes, coffee and tea. We were treated like royalty and the father kept stopping to selamat. It’s like we were the rich relatives.

By 11:30 the rain finally let up and after being fed for the second time, we piled into the car, about 40 others piled into a huge truck and several others took off on motorbikes for Karangasem. We had Agung Rai and the bride in our car. Between being pregnant and carsick, it was a trip fraught with vomiting. Fortunately she had brought lots of plastic bags and Agung Rai was very attentive. Gung Gek and I (the young and the old) both fell asleep for a period of time. Took two hours to get there and the bride’s village of Ababi is way deep into the countryside. The area is gorgeous, all farming and very close to the new Ubud Hanging Gardens property.
Lots more hustle and bustle at the bride’s house. The same kind of stuff was going on as what we had just left in Payangan…finishing offerings, cooking, serving food and food and more food! We sat with the men of the two families as they held their back and forth discussions about caring for their progeny. But first beautiful offerings were placed in the bale in the middle of the circle we sat in. Then the priest did a small ceremony and finally the conversation amongst the families could begin. It was all very amicable and apparently sometimes funny as there was a fair amount of laughter. It seems that the fathers, then the elders and then the community leaders all get to have their say, often more than once. The village chief made entries into the village ‘book’ showing that the new bride was leaving the village and noting where she was going and who she was marrying. Then I saw that a 100,000 rp bank note was being given to the father of the bride. Wow! Like a dowry in reverse. But then a long explanation followed. It seems that when a girl leaves this village to marry, the groom’s family makes a donation to the temple in the bride’s name. It was carefully explained they were not selling their daughter!

Next on the agenda was prayer in the bride’s family temple. Because the bride was pregnant, she could not pray. Agung Rai dragged me along, so we stood, the three of us, and watched the mother and grandmother pray while the family looked on. Once the baby is born and after the 42 day baby ceremony, the new mom will return to her village to complete her final farewells. This is an exception, because once married the wife can never return to her family temple for prayer…but under the circumstances this is regarded as unfinished business and is allowed.

Then of course, there was a huge meal served and finally, at 6:00 p.m. we all started the two hour journey back to Payangan. The bride was, of course, very sick again.

It was totally black when we arrived at Agung Rai’s compound and the priest had not yet shown up to perform the wedding ceremonies. By that time, I was totally exhausted and Putu and Agung were asking if I wanted to go home. But I figured we were only a couple of hours away from completion and I didn’t want to insult the young couple or their family, so we stayed…but I did say there was no way I could eat again! There were special chairs set up for us so we were facing the bale dangin, though much of the ceremony took place in the family temple. I decided to sit it out and we just chatted amongst ourselves. My Agung Rai’s sister-in-law and brother were with us along with their totally gorgeous young son and he played with Gung Gek. They were so cute together. And Gung Gek danced and ran around and I envied her energy.

The couple exited the family temple and moved to the bale dangin and as soon as the final ceremony was finished, we said our good byes, made our way through the darkness to the car and headed home. Gung Gek fell into a deep sleep and I wasn’t too far behind her. Finally we were home at 9:30 p.m. and after a relaxing hot bath, I collapsed into my bed thinking about the exhausted bride and groom, probably still entertaining guests and worrying about the reception that would take place the next late afternoon. I couldn’t help but think how much simpler it would have been if her family had ‘disapproved’ the marriage and then Agung Rai could have ‘kidnapped’ her and just do a ‘civil’ ceremony. Easier and lots less expensive, but not the right way.

The next day all of my staff took off for the afternoon wedding reception, again in a driving rain, and then very late in the afternoon the father of the groom appeared at my house bringing a gift of satay! I accepted it with great gratitude but couldn’t help thinking how tired he must be and how high the cost of petrol is. The family’s gesture was so very gracious!

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