Most Wanted Ceremony in Bali
“Go to school, get a job and get married” is what Balinese parents want from their children. Sooner the children get a job, sooner they can marry, happier the parents will be. “When will you get married?” is a greeting used to greet a single man or woman above 20 years old. Why all Balinese parents want their children especially their son to get married as soon as possible? When a Balinese man gets married he takes all the responsibility (pemanes) from his parents, all community works, temple obligations, and family works is transferred from father to married son.
A wedding ceremony is the most anticipated and wanted event for Balinese. Wedding ceremony in Bali can be simple or intricate based on the agreement between the family of the bride and the groom.
The simplest form of marriage in Bali is elopement, ngerorod or malaib. The man and woman arrange to meet somewhere out of sight of the girl’s parent and spend the night together at a friend’s house, with sufficient publicity that people find out what’s going on. Under these circumstances the girl cannot return to her parents and resume her normal life. In almost all cases the girl’s parents are not in the least surprised. They pretend to be outraged at the impoliteness of the boy and his family for plotting the downfall of their daughter. But usually the whole thing is planned to avoid the very expensive ceremonies that would have to have been put on had the couple been married by the mutual consent of the two families. This “arranged” sort of wedding is called mamadik, and it is expensive because of the large ceremonies and offering involved.
An elopement usually requires only modest ceremonies. Usually consist of a simple ceremony called makala-kalaan, performed by a local priest pemangku. It is a very private affair, and the couple wear only the simplest of traditional Balinese clothes. They are now legally married. Normally, however, the family of the boy puts on a more elaborate and formal wedding ceremony in which everyone dressed up in traditional Balinese clothing and a balian or pemangku presides. This ceremony is not as important as the private one, and is devoted mostly on purification.
If the wedding is not of the elopement type, a larger and more formal ceremony called madegen-degen must take place. Unlike the ceremony following the elopement, this takes place in the family temple of the groom’s family if the bride from the same or higher caste, if the bride came from lower caste the ceremony takes place in the house of the groom. As with the makala-kalaan ceremony, it calls upon God to witness the union of the two and to be bless the egg and sperm so that the children will be strong internally and externally.
The boy’s family generally has a reception for friends of the couple who were not invited to the traditional ceremony. The reception is strictly Western style. Everyone wears ordinary clothes. There is socializing and good fun, presents are brought by the guests, and a buffet dinner is served. The family of the girl is also invited to both of these ceremonies – of course they are “mad” at the boy for stealing their daughter but it is the marriage of their own daughter. Three days after the wedding the family of the boy visits the family of the girl, at whose house the ketipat bantal ceremony is performed.
The girl “follows” the boy and lives in his home. The boy now become a man in Balinese society, and takes all the responsibility from his father.
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